we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
