she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
