FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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