its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
