That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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