i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
