I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
