just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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