This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
