Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
