Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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