CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
