i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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