Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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