She went from zero to smokin in five shots
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
