then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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