Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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