I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
