Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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