My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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