I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
