a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
