he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
