I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
