we're chasing vodka with high fives
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
