dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
