If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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