The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
