mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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