this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
