fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
