Will you blow on my dice?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
