Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
