remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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