do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
