Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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