He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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