Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
