I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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