i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
