how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
