I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
