omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
