Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
