If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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