Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize