Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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