i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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