I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
