my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
