My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
