why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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