I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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