He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
