Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
